Good Monday to you my friends! I hope you have had a great weekend! My week off did not turn out the way I was hoping. I think I need another week just to recover from the last one. I had a very difficult week and weekend, not only physically, but emotionally as well. My thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. I've been struggling with increased pain levels and feeling completely exhausted. Much of the physical issues have been a result of the emotional stuff. It's interesting how certain things will trigger your emotions to come flooding to the surface. Things you thought you had dealt with.
The season I've been going through for the last few years now has been one of waiting, and waiting, and waiting......you get the picture. I don't do well with waiting. Never have. I have made the mistake, many times, of relating waiting with thinking that God is saying no, which is not always the case. I try to remind myself that waiting does not always mean the answer is no, it might mean that it's not the right time, or maybe God has something better for me. Of course, when you're feeling desperate and you're tired of waiting, you don't always take the time to think about things like that. You just feel forgotten and alone. Our feelings can do a number on us when we are already struggling with negative thoughts.
God has a way of using the things we go through to grow us in those areas where we struggle. Letting patience have her perfect work is something I have not enjoyed, at all. Maybe one day I will actually get to the point of enjoying where I am, on the way to where I'm going. I'm not there yet. As a matter of fact, I think I've got a really long way to go.
There are many good days though. Days when I don't try to get ahead of God and what He's doing, when I take the time to examine my thoughts and sort through what's trash and replace them with positive things, and try the best I can to be content with where I am right now. This morning is one of those days when I actually took the time to stop and think about what I've been thinking about. I discovered, after several weeks now, that I have allowed my thoughts to go places that have caused me nothing but pain and heartache. I have not only been fighting against my own negative thoughts, but against the junk the enemy is trying to force in there as well. I cannot tell you how many times over the last week I have had the thoughts, "You are just not important enough. You don't matter. You are nobody. No one cares about you. You're not anything special." Unfortunately, I entertained these thoughts far too long. They have tried to pull me down to a place I have fought to get out of for many years. I refuse to go back there.
Just as I've been decluttering and reorganizing things in my house over the last few months now, I am learning that I need to do this with my thoughts as well; on a daily basis. Just doing it once in a while doesn't cut it for me. It's so easy to dwell on whatever negative, discouraging thoughts pop into my head. Taking the time to examine those thoughts can help me decide if it's something that needs to be thrown out as trash, or looked at a little more closely. The majority of the time, it's junk that is trying to pull me down and beat me up. It's time to take out the garbage!
I've allowed myself to wallow in this pit of hurt and discouragement for the last few weeks now, which has caused nothing but more problems. It's time to kick this stuff to the curb! I'm done worrying and fretting over stupid stuff. God has a good plan for me, and whether it happens on my timetable or not, it's still good. Things may not turn out the way I would like, but He knows what's best for me and I've got to trust Him. If He chooses to open certain doors then that's great, and if not, then I pray He will give me the peace to let those things go because it's obviously not something that will benefit me.
Until next time my friends, be blessed!
"Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work." – Peter Marshall
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." ~Galatians 6:9