"In struggling against anguish one never produces serenity; the struggle against anguish only produces new forms of anguish." ~Simone Weil
Hello my dear, bloggy friends! I hope you're having a blessed Tuesday! I would like to share something that happened to me last night. I am aware that by sharing this it may actually make me sound a little whack-o, but oh well, I never claimed that I wasn't. Maybe this just proves that I am. Haha!
I was outside yesterday evening, after it cooled off, watering some of the flowers in my garden. The heat during the day has been just awful and some of my flowers look pitiful. After I was done watering, I sat down on the bench beside my very large, pink rose bush. I sat there thinking about some things God has been showing me lately, and praying for Him to help me to let go of certain things, and to show me how to do that. Have you ever known you needed to do something, but you just didn't know how? That has been my dilemma for quite a while now.
After I finished praying, I got up and walked around the other side of the rose bush to look at the beautiful pink-colored clouds that were painting the evening sky as the sun was setting. The clouds were a soft, wispy pink with splashes of light purple mixed in. It was so peaceful looking. After I stood there for a few minutes, I then turned back around to pick up the water hose to drag it to the back steps, and right in front of me, on the ground, out of place, was one of the little stones I have placed throughout my garden. I have three of those little stones sitting in different places in my garden, and the one that was now sitting on the ground in front on me was not there a few minutes earlier when I went to gaze at the beautiful sunset my Father painted. It was so obviously out of place where it was sitting. There was no way I would have missed it earlier when I was sitting on the bench. I stood there looking around, thinking that one of my family was playing a joke on me by putting that stone there. After seeing that there was no one out there but me, I started replaying in my mind when I was sitting on the bench and when I got up. I even said aloud to myself, "That was not there a minute ago." Then I started thinking I was losing my mind, or that I just didn't see it, but I KNOW it was not there earlier. The reason I know is because I am kinda OCD in areas like this. If something is out of place, where things are already in order, I have to make sure that the out of place item gets put where it's supposed to be and not just sitting out in the middle of things. This little stone was sitting out in the middle of the walkway that goes through my flower garden. These three little stones that I bought years ago all have a different word on them. One has Inspiration, another has Caring, and the last one, the one that was sitting right out in the middle of the walkway, has the word Serenity on it.
My prayer for quite some time now has been that God would help me to let some very hurtful things go and to move on, and accept the things I cannot change. I have prayed the Serenity Prayer quite a number of times over the last few years now. All those times I've prayed that prayer, I never really stopped to think about what serenity means.
As I was praying last night, while I was sitting on my garden bench, I believe God heard the cry of my heart. I know it sounds really wacky to assume that God spoke to me through that little stone, but I truly believe He did. I am still trying to explain it away, but then I ask myself, "Why am I doing that?" Why can't I just accept that maybe God did place that little stone there just for me to see it? If He can part the Red Sea, then surely He can place a little stone in my pathway.
So, what does serenity mean? The word serenity means the state of being serene. What does serene mean? Serene means calm, peaceful, and untroubled, being at ease with the state of ones life. The first line of the Serenity Prayer goes like this, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." That has been my heart's cry for a long time now. My heart has been broken by some things that have happened and it has been so hard for me to accept that those things are the way they are. I have wanted, desperately, to change the way things are, but I have learned, the hard way, I cannot control others, only myself. As much as I wish I could change some things, I have accepted the fact that only God can do the deep work that will bring the changes that He desires.
I have been trying so hard to accept the things I cannot change. Wondering why it has been so hard for me to let those things go. What I realized last night is that my attitude has been wrong in this whole process. I believe God used that little stone, Serenity, to show me that my attitude needed to change in this process of accepting those things that I can't change. Instead of having a crappy attitude, and being down and discouraged, I need to change my way of thinking. I need to adjust my attitude to one of serenity; one of peace and calmness about the way things are.
God is well able to take care of all that concerns me. If certain things don't happen, it's because He has a different plan for my life. The trust factor has been the biggest struggle for me. As I am learning to trust Him more, I know that peace will reign in my mind and my heart as I keep my eyes on Him and walk in His ways.
Serenity. I am looking at the Serenity Prayer in a whole new light after my experience with that little stone last night.
Until next time my friends, be blessed!